He tosses. You turn. You snore. He plugs his ears. Neither one of you are getting the rest you desperately need and lately, sex has been completely off the table. The solution? Separate beds! It may sound strange at first but many couples find that sleeping separately makes for better sex.
Many Couples Sleep Apart
Lucy and Ricky Ricardo from the 1950s TV show, “I Love Lucy” may have been on to something when they turned in for the night in their twin beds. Although you hardly ever see evidence of it in modern television shows, it is estimated that 1 in 4 American couples sleep apart.
The most common reasons being:
- One Partner Snores
When he sounds like a freight train passing by, you’re not going to get the rest you need. Sometimes mouth guards, sleep apnea machines, and earplugs for you just don’t do the trick. Sleeping in two separate beds (or even in separate rooms) can help you both get some sleep. His snoring won’t keep you awake and your constant elbow in his ribs won’t disrupt him either.
- Insomnia
If you’re up and down several times a night or tossing and turning fitfully, he may be muttering to himself under his breath each time you wake him up. When one partner can’t sleep, the other partner usually can’t either, unless they’re a very sound sleeper. Sleeping apart can help reduce your anxiety about disturbing his sleep while you’re able to rest more comfortably on your own.
- Different Sleep Schedules
When a night owl marries an early bird, somebody is bound to get pecked. Different sleep schedules can make for very frustrated and sleep-deprived partners. Not only will he wake you up getting into bed late but if he likes to play computer games or watch television before he drops off, your deep sleep gets interrupted. Sleeping apart can solve this problem for both of you.
- Sensory Difficulties
People with anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s syndrome, and autism are often very sensitive to their environment, especially during sleep. They may wake up easily or be unable to fall asleep due to a tossing, turning or snoring partner. Sleeping apart can assure both partners are able to get their much-needed rest.
- Temperature Preferences
If he likes it warm but she likes it cold, somebody is going to be uncomfortable all night long. Temperature preferences in the bedroom make for more arguments that you might think. Two separate beds or even two mattresses on a king frame can help alleviate this point of contention.
Sleeping Separately Could Improve Your Sex Life
If you’re not getting the sleep you need, sex is going to be the last thing on your mind. Not only are you not going to have the energy or the desire for it but you’ll be secretly fuming at the partner who is keeping you awake. The more deep, uninterrupted sleep you’re able to get, the calmer and more relaxed you’ll feel. When you’re relaxed and well-rested, better sex with follow.
How to Sleep Apart without Offending Your Partner
It may be tempting but rearranging the bedrooms while he’s at work isn’t going to go over very well. Instead, sit down and have a conversation when you’re both calm and not already arguing about something else. Explain the benefits to both of you and ask for his suggestions on how you should proceed. (This way, he doesn’t just feel abandoned). Decide whether or not you both would benefit from twin beds on the same mattress, separate beds in the same room or completely separate sleep areas.
Once you’ve both decided on the best sleeping arrangement for you, make up for the fact you won’t be sleeping together by cuddling before retiring to your separate areas. Make plenty of time to be physically close during the day as well to re-establish connection. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, and spooning on the couch while watching a movie go a long way for keeping harmony in your relationship so better sex comes naturally.
Sleeping apart doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. It could be the beginning of a new journey of deep rest and better sex for you both!
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